Impossible Missions Involving Sirius Black
by LoquaciousGirl
Summary: Hello! I am Elizabeth 'Lizzy' Enid, best friend and 'sister' of a very gay Sirius Black, and it is my personal mission this year to get him to come out and get a boyfriend already...Remus/Sirius
1. Chapter 1

**Impossible Missions Involving Sirius Black**

_**Written by LoquaciousGirl**_

_I, Elizabeth 'Lizzy' Enid, hereby declare, that I am an amazing, wonderful, matchmaking, genius. So, I still have to work on Lily and James - but that can wait. They're a weird couple. Sirius and Remus are snogging over the eggs right now and that's all that matters. The people giving them disgusted looks can go screw themselves. They're beautiful. _

_Oh, wow, things are getting rather heated over there. Soon they might start screwing over the table._

_And it's all because of me._

_You can take that in a bad way or a good way._

_I think James Potter might take that in a bad way, judging by the look on his face. Or in a good way, judging by his words to them of 'I'll accept you no matter what, blah, blah, blah...'_

_So, the things on my list of impossible missions involving Sirius Black were possible after all. I knew I could do it!_

_Hmmm...Maybe we should start at the beginning..._

--

I met Sirius when I was ten, a year before Hogwarts started. We immediately hit it off, and now we've been best friends for six years, for I was on the train to fifth year. He was just as close as to James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew as he was to me, but I wasn't jealous. I had a friend almost as close to me as Sirius - Jenny Carson. Though she was so popular, she scarcely had time for me.

I had been sitting in the compartment alone for two hours when he finally came in. His shoulder length black hair hung into his sparkling gray eyes as he grinned at me. He looked the same as always - incredibly handsome and I could see why other girls fawned over him (emphasis on other). Though he had only had one girlfriend and that was in third year, two years ago.

"Where have you been?" I asked, narrowing my hazel eyes.

"My dear Lizzy, I have been with my dearest buddies Prongs, Moony, and Wormtail," he said, still grinning. The kid is always grinning. I swear, one day I'm going to smack that grin right off his face just 'cos I'm tired of it -"But, I missed my darling Eliz -" there, he goes again with that nickname- it's weird. Eliz- what kind of name is that? - "so much, that I left them for you. Forever." He slapped his hand over his hand over his heart dramtically and plopped into the seat in front of me.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," I flipped my wavy dark hair out of my eyes, "I've been riding on this damn train to fifth year all alone for two hours, not one person has come in here and"-

"Shut up, I have something important to ask."

I glared but stopped my rant, and raised an annoyed yet curious eyebrow. Sirius stared for a minute and then opened his mouth cautiously. I could see it was one of his nervous moments. He rarely gets those...

Suddenly the compartment door flew open and Sirius' nervous look was replaced by an annoyed one. I smiled and looked at the girl standing before me. She was a chubby girl, who had bushy, could-be-pretty-if-she-actually-took-care-of-it blonde hair, huge greenish black glasses, and a mouth full of braces. I recognized her as one of my fellow Hufflepuffs and remembered that I talked to her sometimes.

"Hey, Allison," I said kindly, wondering what the hell she wanted.

"Hi Lizzy!" she said excitedly, "Guess what! I made Hufflepuff prefect!"

She shoved a badge in my face so forcefully that I scooted back a little.

"Oh, wow, congratulations!"

"I know! I was sure it would be you!"

...Yeah right.

I heard Sirius snort and I shot him a glare. The truth was, no one would make _me _a prefect unless they were on crack. I'm an extremely disorganized, messy, nosy, troublemaking, slacker that chews way too much gum. Kind of like Sirius.

I stared at Allison who was still babbling.

"The only bad thing is that I have to work alongside Vincent Walker"-

"Vincent? Don't you like him?"

Vincent Walker was someone who could have been Allison's brother. He had the same blonde hair, except his was greasy and always slick with gel, huge glasses, and braces. Since they were so alike, I thought they had to be friends...

"Oh no," said Allison, wrinkling her nose, "He's really annoying"-this was true. The kid had the stupidest, most immature jokes in the world, and when he was done telling them, he would laugh like a hyena, and everyone would just stare and go 'haha...ha...ha...', -"and he's such a geek."

Sirius snorted again and I tried not to do the same. Allison for some reason seemed oblivious to all Sirius' snorts.

"I have to get to the Prefects carriage now," she said, "I'll talk to you later."

I nodded and watched her go. When the compartment door was closed completely, I snapped my head back to Sirius and shared my new thought with him.

"Don't you think Allison and Vincent would make a cute couple?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow and shrugged. I looked away, thinking...

"Liz..." Sirius said suddenly in a warning voice, "I know that look, I know what you're thinking Eliz..."

"What?" I asked him innocently.

"You're going to try and get them together!" he exclaimed, "Stop it Liz, they don't even get along"-

"But they're so cute!"

"You always try and do this, they're perfectly happy where they are"-

"They could be happier."

"Your damn matchmaking schemes never work, Lizzy"-

"Yes they do!"

"Not once! Not once have they worked! And you are going to leave Allison and Vincent alone and not ruin their lives!"

I glared but did not answer.

"So, what did you want to tell me anyways?"

"Oh..."

The 'oh' was barely audible. Suddenly Sirius was staring at his shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Sirius?"

His head whipped up abruptly and he stared at me fiercely, all traces of nervousness gone. I was starting to get really freaked out.

"Do you think Jake O'Malley is hot?"

My eyebrows rose and my eyes widened. He was still staring at me, his expression unwavering.

"Uhhh...why?"

His face split into a grin.

"'Cos I do."

My brows contracted in confusion.

"Wait...what?"

He sighed. He stared at me for a few moments before speaking.

"Well...the thing is...I'm sort of...gay."

He then squeezed his eyes shut as if afraid I was going to hit him. I stared with my mouth parted in shock for a few moments. And then I started cracking up. It was his turn to stare at me in shock.

"Sirius," I said, trying to gain control of my breathing, "Is that...all?"

"What do you mean, is that all?"

"Sirius you scared the shit out of me! I thought you were dying or something!"

He stared at me for a little more, before breaking out into a tentative smile.

"So you don't care?"

"Of course I don't care, you git!" And I wrapped him in an impulsive hug. I could almost hear him grinning in relief as he hugged me back. When I let go he mumbled a low 'thanks' and I smiled.

"So do James and the others know about this?"

"No. I only told you 'cos you're my best friend and a girl, and girls are supposed to be understanding and stuff."

I snorted then gasped.

"Oh my god! Do you like one of the Marauders?!"

"What! No! I told you, I like Jake O'Malley."

"You said he was hot. Which he is, by the way. Oh my god, now I can talk to you about boys and stuff! What do you think of Chase Garland?"

"He's okay, I guess"-

"Okay? Okay? He's a fucking sex god"-

"Fine! But, what about Joe Ferenson?"

"Oh, he's cute. You know, all the girls of Hogwarts are going to be so disappointed."

"Why?"

"Well, you're gay"-

"Yeah, well, they're not going to find out!"

"But...aren't you coming out?"

"No!"

He looked absolutely scandalized.

"But Sirius you can't keep pretending like this. Maybe you could get O'Malley to go out with you"-

"No. He's straight."

He looked incredibly sad as he said these words. I stared at him in disbelief.

"Sirius, he wears make up."

"So?"

"And have you seen the way he walks and talks?"

"So?"

"Sirius, he's gay. Everyone knows that on some level, but you won't know for sure unless you come out, or ask him out. If you tell people you'll be much happier, you can get a boyfriend or something, and all the people who are disgusted about it weren't real friends in the first place. Pleeease?"

"_No."_

"Sirius"-

"No."

"But"-

"No."

"Oh come on"-

"No."

"Fine! But I still think you should."

"I don't care what you think."

I sighed.

"I know you don't. So, I guess it's up to me."

He looked up, fearful and apprehensive.

"You're not going to"-

"No, I'm not going to tell. I could _help_ with you and Jake O'Malley however"-

"Lizzy, don't you dare!"

--


	2. Chapter 2

I stared at myself in the mirror. My dark hair hung to my midriff. It was straight today - sometimes it'd be straight, other times it'd be wavy. Mostly straight though - the last time it was wavy was on the train, two weeks ago, and it been months before that day for it to be wavy. My hair is weird like that. My bangs covered my hazel eyes so that only half of them showed. Like always. My skin was a dark chocolate color. It wasn't milk chocolate - I always liked that tone better, but nooo, my skin has to be incredibly dark - on the verge of black. My lips pouted into a frown at this thought. My lips were completely pink, something rare for people with my color of skin, but I guess I'm just that lucky. I don't even need lip gloss.

"You're going to burn a hole in that mirror if you keep staring at it like that," drawled a voice from the dormitory. I glare at Sarah Nelson and she grinned back, her shoulder length brown hair falling into her big blue eyes.

Sarah Nelson is one of the few other Hufflepuff's that I'm actually friends with. Jenny's in Ravenclaw and Sirius is in Gryffindor, and I'm even good friends with a few decent Slytherins (much to the disapproval of Sirius and Jenny). I'm nowhere near as close to _anyone _in Hufflepuff as I am people in the other houses.

So, we never get to have super duper sleepovers. Oh well.

"So how are things between you and Sirius?" Sarah asked in a suggestive voice.

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently.

"Oh come on!" the brunette answered in an exasperated voice, "Are you guys going out or what?"

My eyebrows rose at her bluntness.

"No!"

"Hmph," huffed Sarah, "Well anyone with eyes can see you two like each other."

I laughed aloud. It had been two weeks since Sirius came out to me and I was still trying to figure out how I hadn't known he was gay in the first place. Mostly he acted normal, but there were the little things - the way he took care of his hair, he _hung _his _wrists, _he blushed whenever Jake O'Malley was in the vicinity (which was extra funny because Sirius Black _never _blushed), and some of the things he said sometimes...honestly...He told one Ravenclaw girl he liked her manicure once. Said it looked absolutely fabulous.

She was a little freaked out.

"Sirius and I are just friends," I said simply, throwing my hair into a ponytail, "Brother and sister like. _Trust_ me..."

I was itching to tell her the whole truth.

"Whatever," she said shrugging, "But seriously, you need a boyfriend anyways."

I left the bathroom and threw myself on my bed. As much as I hated to admit it - she was right. I sighed and looked at her hopelessly.

"I know!" she exclaimed suddenly, "There's this guy I know, his name is Mitchell."

"And?"

"And I could set you guys up on a date"-

"I don't even know him!"

"Ever heard of a blind date? You'll go with him next Hogsmeade trip."

"But"-

"No buts."

I glared but complied reluctantly. There was silence for a couple minutes.

"You know who'd make a cute couple?"

"Who?"

"Allison and Vincent..."

--

"OH MY GOD!"

Sirius and I jumped and turned around to see who was shrieking. In the next second I was attacked by a tall blonde in a vicious hug.

"Oh my god, oh my god!" she squealed, "I haven't seen you since school started!"

Holly Myers, a blonde Hufflepuff sixth year, looked at me through heavily made up eyes. She looked the same as always - horrible. Her blonde hair was dirty and stringy with way too much glitter and her bangs just looked wrong. Her makeup was just the worst. Her mascara was running down her cheeks, and her eyes and basically everything around her eyes were a dark blue. Her lipstick was a deep red and ran across her cheek slightly. Her blush was spread all over her face, a deep, deep, red.

I think she gets ready in the dark.

"How are you?" she was babbling, "this summer I went to France with my dad and I met a boy there" yeah, right, "he thought I was gorgeous, but so does everyone. I mean look at me!" I looked at her. Sirius snorted.

Holly mistook his snort for something else entirely and turned and batted her lashes at him.

"I'll bet you think I'm gorgeous too," she said in what was supposed to be a deep, sexy, voice but really came out sounding like she had a throat ache. Sirius looked mortified. Again, she misinterpreted him.

"No need to look so embarrassed," she said, placing a hand on his shoulder. I was having trouble containing my laughter, "Would you like to go with me to Hogsmeade next weekend?"

His eyes widened and he started stuttering. Holly giggled.

"Can't believe your luck?"

His eyes widened more.

"No! I mean - yes - I mean, I don't want to go to Hogsmeade with you."

Holly immediately dropped her hand and glared.

"Why?" she asked, her 'sexy' voice gone.

"Because - well - I'm sorry, I - I'm-"

Gay. Say it. _Say it, Sirius. _Let it all out, man. I'm gay. I'm gay. Say it! I'm gay. I'm gay and proud. I'M GAY AND PROUD DAMMIT! SAY IT!

-"Hanging out with my mates."

I felt my heart sinking and I glared at him. He glared back.

"Fine."

Holly gave us both one last scathing look (why I got one, I don't know) and stomped away. Sirius and I stared at each other for a moment before bursting out in laughter at the same moment. I put on my 'sexy' voice.

"Oh, Sirius," I said, batting my eyelids as he grinned, "wouldn't you like to go to Hogsmeade with gorgeous, gorgeous, me?"

"No, but going with Jake O'Malley would be alright."

We both burst out in peals of laughter again.

"What?"

Our laughter stopped immediately as we slowly turned to see who we _knew _owned that voice. James Potter stood there with a perfectly bewildered expression on his face.

Uh oh.

"Oh," said Sirius nervously. He looked like he was going to throw up any second now...I do feel so bad for the stupid git..."Hi. James."

"Yeah..." said James uncertainly, "So...you're gay?"

Sirius took a step backwards at James' bluntness.

"Well, in a matter of speaking..."

James rolled his eyes, strode up to Sirius, and grabbed his arm. Sirius actually looked rather scared.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me you bloody idiot? Seriously, what did you think I would do? Like I didn't already have my suspicions..."

"WHAT?"

Sirius looked horrified. I giggled.

"Come on, Sirius," said James, smiling slightly, "You've had one girlfriend in your entire life, you're always staring at Jake O'Malley"-

"Am not."

"You are! Honestly, I think you should ask him out."

"THANK YOU! Don't you think he should _come _out too?"

"You should, Sirius, really"-

"Wait, _what?"_

"Oh! Oh, I have a question. From a gay guy's point of view am I _hot?"_

"Well, James, that's kind of uncomfortable"-

"Why would you want a gay guy's point of view anyways?"

"I dunno. Hey Sirius, do you like me?"

"How can you ask that so casually? And, no, I don't go for great prats like you"-

"Oh no, that's right, you go for great prats like"-

"Jake O'Malley."

He and I laughed at Sirius' blush. James slung an arm around Sirius' shoulder and steered him towards nowhere in particular. I smiled as Sirius looked down uncomfortably. James noticed, rolled his eyes, and slipped his arm away. I watched.

"What the hell is your problem anyways?"

"Nothing, it's just that, this is awkward and stuff"-

"How?"

"Oh, I dunno, maybe you just found out I'm a poof"-

"Oh, stop making such a big deal about it. I'm your best friend and I've lived in the dorm and slept in the bed opposite yours for five years, I basically knew it."

Sirius glared.

"No, you didn't," he mumbled.

James snorted and swung his arm around Sirius' shoulders again. Sirius sighed.

"See that?" he asked, "See, doesn't that make you the least bit uncomfortable? I mean"-

"No, it _doesn't," _James cut across him sternly, "You're still Sirius, honestly I don't give a fuck who you like, it's your business. So don't give me that shit, because you're the only one who feels uncomfortable here, and unless you like me, which I highly doubt, and if you do, that would suck, but - whatever. Unless, you like me"- Here, Sirius shakes his head no frantically, "I don't see what the problem is with me doing the same stuff I do _every day."_

Sirius sighed, but not in frustration this time. He looked at James with a small smile on his face, and same as he did with me, mumbles a 'thanks'. For the third time, James slips his arms around Sirius' shoulders and I can see from the look on Sirius' face that he is tremendously relieved that James is doing that.

"Sirius," James said, shaking his head and chuckling lightly, "Honestly, you are such an idiot sometimes..."

--

**A/N: I was so excited with the outcome of my first chapter! This story became like an instant hit, I've never gotten so many alerts for just one chapter, it's crazy, but I'm not complaining. The only thing that really irked me was that people would alert it but not review. Really, it's only decent to review if you're going to alert something. I know most writers hate that, but for me it's really a pet peeve and I hate it more that most. So if you alerted me already and didn't review _please _do so now or I will be terribly upset, and if you're going to alert it, PLEASE REVIEW. Even if your not going to alert it, review. Even flames would be welcome. )**

**Please?**


	3. Chapter 3

Hello,

I realize I haven't updated in a long while and I probably won't for another long while. I feel bad because I got such a response for this story, but the thing is, I have all these ideas for different stories, I write one or two chapters and then I don't know what to do. I'm so sorry, I used hate it when authors did that, but now I understand.  I won't be really abandoning the story though - I'm going to continue it _way _later, when I finish my other chapter stories. I'm also postponing Brotherly Love or Not- so I don't know which one I'll do first. Right now, I'm just focusing on my SiriusOC story. Again, I'm sorry, and I hope that you guys will read this when I finally pick up on it - you'll only have two chapters to reread! =)

Please review, I just want to know that you guys aren't upset with me...

_Loquacious Girl_


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